Mints and Things: World Domination (A Hubby Guest Blog)

I made mints.

They are OK. When it comes to some types of confections, having the right tools and, sad to say, the right preservatives do make a difference. However, for a first try I think they are decent. (Bethany’s Note: Decent? ::wearing a confection mustache:: They were homemade peppermint patties and they were amazeballs. Your modesty angers me.)

The only thing that I was disappointed about with this recipe is that it was very expensive. I give it a “Dang, Gina!” and raise it a “Oh no, he didn’t!”

As a matter of pride I think I have to now declare war against other mint candy makers. I will now begin my search for a factory full of oompa loompas minus the freaky 80s horror film quality. Basically, I would just hire ex-cons. They will come in handy as you will soon see.

First, I really need to focus on is a good jingle. “Eat my chocolate, eat my mints, give me your dollars, and give me your cents!” Its accurate and suggestive, I like it.

Second, I plan to follow the Ford business model and take everything over. I will start by training my ex-cons for guerilla warfare so we can take over the necessary sugar, mint and cocoa farms and factories. It’s really quite logical: first you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women. (BN: I can vouch for the fact that I married him nine years ago because I knew candy would be made.)

Third, I have to eliminate the competition. Hershey’s, Mars, Nestle, Cadbury, watch your friggen backs, Muhahahahaha. I know where you sleep at night. (BN: Honey. No, you don’t. And they’re not individual people, you realize that, right?)

After I successfully take over the mint candy game, I will devote my power and wealth to eliminating the homelessness situation in America. (BN: Awwwww. ::kisses hubby while still wearing confection mustache::)

Extra Credit: See if you can get all of the movie and T.V. references and I’ll give you a free mint when I’m running ish. (BN:…the mints are gone, y’all.)

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Our Family Delicatessen (A Hubby guest blog)

I like to cook because it’s fun and it’s art for you mouth – which is better than art for your wall. Basically, I like-a-to-make-it-taste-a-good.

I take special pleasure in putting store bought products to shame. I famously  make Reese’s peanut-butter cups (RPBCs) taste like crap; that is, in comparison to my homemade confections. (Don’t be silly. Why would I put real crap in peanut-butter cups? Not only would I then waste money on RPBCs, but crap is gross!)

I like to show my victory over corporate America in a very specific way. For example, my father-in-law, whom I refer to as Daddy, also enjoys the culinary arts and where he might show his satisfaction over a well-prepared meal by suggesting a price he would be willing to pay in a restaurant (Orange Shrimp…I’d pay 15.95!), I like to taunt corporate brands ala Denzel Washington in Training Day, “King Kong (substitute brand name or mascot here) ain’t got nothing on me!”

Which brings me to the point of this blog post.

I have been scouring all over Montreal in attempts to find a box of Jiffy cornbread mix for the better part of 2 years. It’s awesome. It’s already in a box, you add milk and eggs, it only takes like 10 minutes to bake, and it tastes great too. Auntizzle even brought us some from the US last time she visited. Well, no more begging at the nonexistent Jiffy teat for me. I finally went in search of ingredients to make some myself. (I know you Canadians out there have no idea how good cornbread is, let alone know what it is. It’s like Great Britain and orange juice). And…

Jiffy ain’t got nothing on me! It’s so good, AND BETTER, that I may even start my own Quebec-based cornbread distributorship. I topped it off with some homemade honey-butter too.

Too bad Microsoft hasn’t invented click-and-taste software yet.