Mints and Things: World Domination (A Hubby Guest Blog)

I made mints.

They are OK. When it comes to some types of confections, having the right tools and, sad to say, the right preservatives do make a difference. However, for a first try I think they are decent. (Bethany’s Note: Decent? ::wearing a confection mustache:: They were homemade peppermint patties and they were amazeballs. Your modesty angers me.)

The only thing that I was disappointed about with this recipe is that it was very expensive. I give it a “Dang, Gina!” and raise it a “Oh no, he didn’t!”

As a matter of pride I think I have to now declare war against other mint candy makers. I will now begin my search for a factory full of oompa loompas minus the freaky 80s horror film quality. Basically, I would just hire ex-cons. They will come in handy as you will soon see.

First, I really need to focus on is a good jingle. “Eat my chocolate, eat my mints, give me your dollars, and give me your cents!” Its accurate and suggestive, I like it.

Second, I plan to follow the Ford business model and take everything over. I will start by training my ex-cons for guerilla warfare so we can take over the necessary sugar, mint and cocoa farms and factories. It’s really quite logical: first you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women. (BN: I can vouch for the fact that I married him nine years ago because I knew candy would be made.)

Third, I have to eliminate the competition. Hershey’s, Mars, Nestle, Cadbury, watch your friggen backs, Muhahahahaha. I know where you sleep at night. (BN: Honey. No, you don’t. And they’re not individual people, you realize that, right?)

After I successfully take over the mint candy game, I will devote my power and wealth to eliminating the homelessness situation in America. (BN: Awwwww. ::kisses hubby while still wearing confection mustache::)

Extra Credit: See if you can get all of the movie and T.V. references and I’ll give you a free mint when I’m running ish. (BN:…the mints are gone, y’all.)


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