I’m not as ornery as I was last week, but there’s still a couple things that make me roll my eyes hard.
You all know how much I love Yahoo! headlines. I just saw one that was suggesting ways to satisfy a bacon craving.
I have a few suggestions myself. No, wait. One. I have one suggestion. Eat bacon. Pick up a piece of bacon – and here’s where you get to be creative because you can actually use your thumb and forefinger, you can unnecessarily use a fork, if you’ve got chopsticks around you can totally make this more complicated than is necessary and break out those bad boys; now eat it. By which I mean, put it in your mouth, using your teeth to break off a small or medium or – depending on just how much you crave that bacon – half a pig and then use your teeth – the ones you used to bite – to break that piece up further until it is significantly deconstructed. At that point, you’re halfway home because these smaller, unrecognizable bits of carnage are now small enough to be easily digested and your internal organs will take care of that. That’s the beauty of eating. You only have to think as far as your throat and then the magical invisible parts take over. Bam. Bacon craving satisfied. Now, if the point of the article – and I get increasingly agitated when I think of the fact that the headline means there is an actual article written on the subject – is that you are craving bacon despite some religious or moral obligation to abstain from bacon. Well. You’re on your own there. But you probably shouldn’t tempt yourself by reading articles about bacon consumption.
Secondly. And again, this is moreso how I felt last week. There’s this new movie with James Franco about the story of Aron Ralston. Well. Mostly the whole cutting off his own hand/arm thing. And a few days ago, I was really annoyed because – in my irrational state – I felt quite put-out that my own will to live was being undermined by that fact that some guy hacked off his own limb. I mean. In my estimation, my will to live is greater than his. Because I would not hack off my own limb. Self-preservation – in my mind – is all about sparing your body harm. Because you want to, you know. Preserve it.
So I was going to generally project my upset-ness at this story of glorified self-mutilation. Only referring to James Franco, of course, which seemed less cruel. Aaaand then, in trying to find the trailer I saw, I came across this.
And. Nevermind. *single tear*