Things Too Obnoxious For Twitter

Let me begin by saying: you’re welcome.

Not too long ago, I recall twittering about how I love the sound of my little boy eating. And it wasn’t that long ago either, though attempts at finding out made me realize that (a) I like twitter and (b) I like Dubble Bubble gumballs (for full disclosure, I’ll let you in on a secret: I get them at Metro). I like Dubble Bubble enough that I should really update my About Me page. Or make a third one, rather.

Anyway, the whole point is that wow. My son was just eating a half a sandwich and I almost slapped the last quarter out of his little hands. SHUT UP ALREADY. GAWD. SERIOUSLY?! Close your doggone mouth, broseph!

When did this happen? Do hormones have anything to do with it? (Huh. Not sure why I didn’t consider that earlier. Like before I started writing a tirade about my six year old’s noisy-but-recently-considered-adorable eating habits…)

Other than that, I have one question. Are we so pathetic-tastic that – instead of just being responsible stewards of our finances and declaring, you know what, I can skip one pagan holiday for one freakin’ year – we are willing to buy USED. DISCOUNT. HALLOWEEN COSTUMES. WHAT?! Am I the only one crawling out of her hive-riddled skin right now?! You’re not just looking for discount (read: tragically wonk-nation) costumes that you ARE NOT LEGALLY OBLIGATED TO WEAR IN THE FIRST PLACE – but you’re willing to go used?! Women, especially and let’s not pretend it isn’t because you’re gonna wear something skankosity – you’re gonna wear something in which someone got wasted, possibly fondled and definitely musty last year?! REALLY?!

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9 thoughts on “Things Too Obnoxious For Twitter

  1. Hormones. They are the bane of my existence right now. My skin is in open revolt, I think I had a hot flash the other day and well, never mind. It’s just too gross to write out loud.

    I promise you though I will not wear a used Halloween costume this year. Not even one that I got fondled in.

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    • Hubby read this and was like…should there be a link…this is…really confusing. Whoops. In my pepsi-deprived, butterfinger-craving state, I failed to mention where I saw said advertisement. *wanders off*

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  2. It’s just amazing to me how pretty much any and every respectable profession, cartoon character, historical figure, and period costumes are transformed into slutty halloween attire for us females.

    Stand proud women halloween celebrators we shall bring men to their knees with our whorish costumes! Then wonder why we don’t get no respect.

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  3. been busy but I’m back for a sec
    On gumballs: Must try. @ Metro you say?

    On used costumes: People here rent them. There’s a rental store in Old Montreal I know of with dusty, stained, faded non-slutty period costumes. You should go check ’em out as a cult-ural experience I’m LMAO.

    On kid eating: No it’s not hormonal. My hubby likes to watch me eat. Says I make food look and sound interesting. I have a “rude” looking mouth apparently (hubby is South American so don’t ask me what that means since my lips are normal sized and beautifully shaped.)

    BTW, do you read slushpile hell? Won’t give you the link cause I know that a peeve of yours. But if you don’t, you gotta.

    PS still love your blog.

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