Need a vacation? A little time with some poorish easterners to put your western world in perspective? Can’t find the truckload of money to fund it? Get it from a publisher, silly! How, you ask? By promising to write about it like you didn’t know it was gonna happen, that’s how.

(Turns to camera B)

Hey, you know that super spiritual journey that was only surpassed by the one she had not long after and for which she was also paid? Yeah. Eat, Pray, Read this. And when people say – which they will – oh, what’s the harm? It was a great “story/morale/etc”, I will twist my head until it is painfully vertical on its stem and make a Scooby Doo sound. Hein?! ‘Member that time several people tried to defend the “memoirist” who could easily have avoided being a fat liar face by just publishing his book as a novel? Right. I guess being privileged makes you really jealous of all those drug-addicted, destitute people so you just usurp their lives and get paid buckets of cash that no one would ever have offered to them?

Here’s my thing. I care because you sold it as a spiritual journey. That someone paid for. Because you’d already pitched the book.

So I guess what I’m saying is – if I’d asked for contrived “spirituality”, I wouldn’t be annoyed. But since you sold (a LOT) of people on the whole “Under The Tuscan Sun” of it all. You suck. Oh, but at least it doesn’t end there. Apparently she had to be paid to get remarried, too. In case you’re unaware of her latest book.

I’m ever grateful for my immediate skepticism and cynicism. If I’m gonna read a memoir, it’s not gonna be about a rich White American woman who suffered a painful divorce. O_o (And honestly, who is she really surprising, btw.) Although, as my childhood proved, it’s not because of the White American woman part, since the ones I did read were called:

….and another one about multiple personality disorder. Because that’s what I liked to read. Sorry, but Trixie Belden got boring real quick. Wish I could find the cover of the third one. Ah well.

Anyway, what were we talking about.

Ah yes.



9 thoughts on “No.Thank.You.

  1. Wait a minute – it was a FALSE memoir? Are you kidding me?! Wtf… It’s hard to not get a bit perturbed with an industry that keeps on saying agents/assistants/interns are all employed for “quality control” when things like this (and others that are similarly off putting, imo) join the ranks of the published.


  2. I wish someone had told me about this before I sold my sorry excuse for a car and worked in dingy cafes to fund my travels around Vietnam, Cambodia and Laos.

    Haven’t read it…but considering it now. Sort of a how-to manual…


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