Let Me Name Your Baby

So, despite intending to link to some posts from yesteryear (by which I mean 05/06 when I was living in Wales), I’ve not done that. (Sorry, ABWP!) Which is just deplorable. Of course, all those posts are archived from when I transferred my blog posts from myspace, so they’re mashed together by season or month or lunar eclipse and are not all navigate…able. ? But having just read this post about naming cars over at Swedish Pankakes, I had to go find one post in particular.

But before I post it, I wanted to talk about the language in those previous posts. I didn’t change what I wrote when I blogged back then, not because I agree with it but because, well, I hope the changes I’ve felt convicted to make speak for themselves. Still, I don’t want anyone to be offended, so there’s the heads up. I used to curse. And get drunk. And it’s still there. Cheers!

Onward to baby namin’!

Subject: How to name your next child
Posted Date: Friday, November 11, 2005 – 4:01 AM

Josh and I are feeling generous and want to give you people some pointers on child-naming. First, a few we didn’t use that are now up for grabs. On the auction block for girls: Sparteflicka (Spar-tef-lick-ah), Expre’ponyay, Oxnaynaydon, and Flornekisha. For little boys, we have: (one of my personal favs) Trondisay, Jambraphine (Jam-bra-fin-ay), or Aronlonden.

Now if you’re not decided on the gender, how about Seand’quee. If you want to take your Christian name and give it a twist, try these on for size: Ashley easily becomes Ashl’fay. Courtney? LaQuatneh.

Now, Josh would like to show you how household items can be transformed into wonderful names for a new baby: body wash, for example, easily becomes Bodeelin Washl’fay. That’s a twofer. How bout an umbrella? Umbreesha. And don’t be afraid to use things like cell phone: Cellifonyete. Air conditioner? Air’condishawn! That one comes with an accent! Try one yourself. Pick an item and play with the syllables as well as staples such as d’, l’, isha, fay, ete, lil, tron. Happy creating!!


Since then, of course, our palates have become much more sophisticated – though my love will remain with little Cellifonyete. But there was also Cordentifan, for the Ivy League bound. (See how it seamlessly shortens to Cord and screams Yalie!)

I also realized that people carrying twins were left unassisted by our previous lists, which is why I came up with Tefloriwonk (b) and Flypwer’tank (f). Kissums!

(Hey, ‘member that woman who gave her daughter 25 first names or something to get into the record book? That’s how you know she loved her baby. Wanted to start her off on top.)

Now with this level of creativity and genius, you may be wondering, “Why, Bethany,  (chuckle) what did you name your son?”

*wanders off*


6 thoughts on “Let Me Name Your Baby

  1. I think some phonetic spelling would help in the pronunciation. Like Air’condishawn is Air-con-dee-shawn. Also, you can drop the occasional é or ë in order to spice up those names that are still on the edge of traditional. And it doesn’t even need to make sense for pronunciation either. Think of it as name confetti.


    • NAME CONFETTI?! I think you just heard me LMBO.

      Okay, that’s not exactly phonetic spelling, but it should then be Air-con-DEE-shawn. And Flip-where-ih-tank.

      I’m kinda feelin’ Hordon’trunk, too. (Hor-don-ih-trunk)For a girl. O_O


  2. That post made me snort scotch through my nose…

    And it fits in perfectly with my life at the moment because my identical twin is something like five days out from her due date for her first baby, a daughter. So names have been flying to say the least.

    I’ll throw out Lavania (La-VAN-ia) Ly’Amp and Plas’madea (Plass-ma-DEE-a (both female) and Towalyn (Too-WA-lin) and Star’cassin (Star-cass-EEN) (for the boys)


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