When Demetra finally attempts to know her daughter born of rape, she finds her chosen identity is as false as the one society tried to force upon her.
What think you, sailors? Oh, did I forget to introduce what the heck I’m talking about?
Right, so you’ll recall (or not) that time I was talking about logline, pitch, whatever? HERE I AM! Well, a recent query required (or requested) one, so I revisited it with the feedback I received at Ms. Lerner’s blog in mind. I will like this one for precisely seventy minutes. In the meantime, I’ll fiddle with it.
When Demetra finally attempts to know her the daughter born of rape, she finds her chosen identity is as false as the one society tried to force upon her.
Something about the society part could be much better… I am tempted by the wordiness I could impart upon the first clause…little unnecessary things like “When at last” and “When finally”…
And then, also, I have discovered the #1 advantage to having opened a separate email account – other than it looking good on my nonexistent business cards – the distraction-free environment! Nothing happens at that email account, my sisters can’t get to me (I love you!), Facebook can’t find me (I have a complicated relationship with you!), Twitter requests go unseen, blog comments get stored up. It’s amazing. I worked on querying all day yesterday and didn’t realize how much people were trying to bug me until I signed back into my normal account. And then I had presents!! In the form of emails!! Score, dog.
Best rejection line EVER: I can’t connect with a poet who was a rape victim. The agent qualified the statement by saying it’s “too melodramatic for my taste”, but I just like the first line – particularly because nothing was read to confirm the qualifier. I’m tempted not to write my commentary, as people are quick to identify it in the most common and recognizable category. But anyone who doesn’t critique feedback is ___. And anyway, this is my blog. (None for you.) I love that sentence because, for me, it is tantamount to saying, “I can’t connect with an acrobat who wears the color yellow.” You’re telling me you have an archetypal assumption of the acrobat and have – without reading the actual story – decided what will and will not work. For someone thus employed. O_O I am not joking in a bitter way (that being the common and recognizable category) – that is seriously the funniest thing not said on 30 Rock.
My daydreams of my dream home always involve walls with beautiful prose calligraphied thereupon. This is also my desired tattoo. Up until today, the main line was meant to be “Ships at a distance hold every man’s wish onboard.” Man. That is seriously the most amazing opening line or line in general. (Takes a moment.) But now I need another wall or a second tattoo – perhaps on the opposite forearm, that reads: “I can’t connect with a poet who was a rape victim.”
Okay, trying to scour google images to find a representation of what I’m describing comes up with graffiti or really trite examples I refuse to publicize. So, instead, I’ll give you a series of words and hope you can make some image that matches the one in my mind: butter yellow and gold pinstripe painting, medium size font, quotes alternating in color between ___ and ___ from ceiling to the wainscoting… le sigh.
What were we talking about. Oh, right. Monkeys.