I was gonna title this “A funny thing happened on the way to the Dollar Cinema” but that was just too long. And derivative. Plus, it wasn’t so much funny as irritating.
I haven’t been to the movie theatre since moving from the States so I was quite excited to (a) find out Montreal has a (two) dollar cinema in a mall suspiciously reminiscent of Sunrise Mall in Citrus Heights and (b) to find out that I could see movies like Alice in Wonderland there – in English! I suck for not doing better with my language but I’m not about to go see a movie in which I have any interest and try to decipher it in French. Sorry.
Anyway, we missed the opening of the movie because I didn’t realize that to get to the theatre/mall from the metro, one must descend into the freeway. I’m…sorry, we don’t walk alongside the freeway in California. I appreciate that there’s a sidewalk and the majority of the way, you’re on the other side of a metal rail. But cars are pretty heavy, Montrealers can’t drive and I’m fragile. O_O Anywho! So we found the place and upon seeing the title booth unmanned, rushed up to the man behind the concession counter. Rushed. Because we were late.
Me (And I’d just realized this old guy has dyed his hair jet black, wears it shoulder length and parted down the middle): Erm. Can we purchase our tickets here?
Ticket Guy: (as though on Quaaludes) Okay.
Me: (skeptical) O. Kay. So, two for Alice in Wonderland please.
TG: (Quaalude-y) Okay. (Moving like molasses.)
Josh: A popcorn and a coke.
TG: (Let’s just assume he’s still high, ok.) Okay. Two tickets and a popcorn and a coke is $6.90.
Josh brandished currency.
TG: And I will give you change. (Says whatever the change was going to be.)
I’m staring bugeyed because I can hear the movie playing.
TG: The theatre is right there.
Josh and I are still standing there because we were with another couple of friends. Before he turns to help them, the phone rings. He turns away and answers the phone. O_O
This is irritating just to recall, so let’s move along. We all eventually had our tickets and headed into the theatre, I in front. Which. Is when I realized that I could not see a thing other than what was on the screen. For you see, children. There were no lights. On the floor. By which to navigate the theatre. Erm? Right. So I stopped walking, afraid to fall down any steps. I turned to whisper to the gang that I couldn’t see. But I couldn’t see them. I heard quiet giggling so I knew they were there. But none of us could see anything. Josh eventually found a row of seats and started slowly making his way and we all followed very closely behind. Then he seemed to bump into someone, apologized and told me to just sit. Which I attempted. But when I had lowered myself sufficient to finding a normal theatre seat, I stopped and rose again. I told him there was no seat. He told me it was still lower. You see. In California – and I’m gonna keep saying this not because California is amazing, but because it is what is normal for me – theatre seats are …normal chairs. Therefore they have legs and are not basically on the floor. Which is where these seats were. Weird. Whatever, we were sitting, Alice had just finished falling and was in a room with a tiny door. (However far into that movie that scene is, I may never know.) It was only then that I realized how far from the screen we were and how few people were in the theatre (like six). I was tempted to get up and try to get closer but whatever.
Anyway, I very much enjoyed Tim Burton’s rendition and I was very pleasantly relieved to hear Johnny Depp perform without his trademark and somewhat lazy imitation of a British accent. I was aware however that the speed and Lewis Carroll-ness of some of the dialogue would be impossible for our friends to catch. Anyway, it was all quite Burton-y and delightful and I do wish I could’ve seen it in 3-D. And, OH FRABJOUS DAY, the voice of Alan Rickman. LURVE. But seriously, I adored Johnny Depp’s Hatter. I wanted Alice to fall in love with him.
When the lights came up, I realized just how hodgepodge this little theatre – to our right atop a landing were defunct pieces of furniture and cut boxes. Behind us and to the left was a pile of seats san legs (like the ones in which we were sitting)…just piled there. Hi.
In short: I loved it. $6.90, a recent movie, a little bag of popcorn and a small coke = my first date with my husband since we arrived in Montreal. ❤
Oh and Josh is right. The Mad Hatter does look like Madonna.