Things I Thought I Told You

About six months ago (or more? who knows?), I decided to fast from entertainment “news”. Which is to say, pictures. Because who really “reads” that stuff. (Ana.) Anyway, that three day fast became, well, six months or so. Suffice it to say that I haven’t missed much.

Here are a few lessons I’ve learned: People stay dumb even if you forget their names. People make dumb people famous by continuing to comment on and question the existence of said dumb people. (I.e. if they’re so lame, why’d you pay for that picture so you could say so?) And also – anything with sleeves that doesn’t show one’s thighs is “matronly”. And then they tell women at 40 to “dress age appropriately”.

(1) I think age 40 is a little past the point where you should have developed a healthy sense of modesty. The chicken should not be served buffet style. (Ana, please translate.)

(2) Fashion forward routinely being exercised by nipple  or south-cheek exposure is what makes people like me dislike “fashion”. I’ll just wear clothes, I guess. *waves to fashion*

And while we’re on the topic of things I thought I told you, I promised Ana I’d write an open letter to artsy-posers like the one who took offense to her inquiring as to his intended concept when looking at a series of photographs. But that would take way too much energy and it’s 2:37 so how bout a telegram.

People with true talent can have friends who aren’t of professional use to them, I think. (Stop.)

Sitting around flattering each other is self-serving enough to resemble masturbation. (Stop.)

Friends are not fans and they will – and should – offer criticism without fear of snark or temper tantrums. (Stop.)

I refuse to even comment on the chain-smoking, drug dabbling Hunter S. Thompson-ness. (STOP.)

“I think you missed what I was going for” may in rare cases be true but that’s what explanations are for. (Stop.)


Fashion. BAM.


12 thoughts on “Things I Thought I Told You

  1. It seems a woman can only dress modestly and be considered fashionable if the look is retro.

    If you choose to not show your breasts or butt in contemporary attire you are labeled an old maid.

    This is why I like being a guy. The style of jeans may fluctuate, but none the less a nice pair of jeans and a fitted shirt will always be in style.


  2. Yes. Yes. I don’t offer excessive compliments to you, just because you’re an “artist”. Sorry. Especially if I’m your “friend”. Please expect honesty, at all times. And to explain the buffet-style chicken…most female entertainers, as of late. On-stage nudity is actually now required.


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