The Yahoo! Conspiracy

As of late, the yahoo headlines on the main page have been quite confusing. Not so much the ones hailing every animal or toddler that makes it to youtube as the newest “web sensation”, but the ones that give advice. Now far be it for me to disdain the passing out of wisdom, but erm. Who is yahoo again?!

First there’s the proliferation of titles related to employment: Top 10 Resume Musts, How To Shine In An Interview, Career-Killing Facebook Statuses… If you judge the employment/economic crisis based solely on these titles, it makes it seem like we’ve completely recovered and everybody’s on their way to an interview for their dream job. Which leads me to believe that yahoo is the opiate of the masses. Conspiracy theorist that I am, I figure they’re somehow making gain off of instilling in people a false sense of “Just Around The Riverbend”. Like, hey don’t worry about the fact that unemployment is wherever it is for the first time since whenever that was – let me distract you with preparations for a job you’re not getting! Diabolique.

Okay and then there’s the crop of relationship related titles. How To Know If Your Partner Is Still Interested In Their Last Partner And Just Biding Their Time With You Because They’re Not Sure Their Last Partner Is Interested In Reconciling. O_o Or The 10 Mistakes Every Woman Makes Every Time She’s In A Relationship. (Why does everything come in 10s…..oooooomg, they own the number 10, don’t they?!) Also, I realize that my first title has issues: partner = singular; their = plural. I’m just so up in arms about this undeciphered conspiracy that I can say with absolute certainty IS happening, despite my not knowing what the possible gain or reward would be. And there’s always a picture of a couple that looks happy but they must not be as happy as you think or their picture wouldn’t be used to warn you about The 10 Reasons Guys Should Start Talking More To Their Girlfriends Who Have Had It With Noncommunicative Stereotypical Men And Have Already Started Looking For A Roommate.

I’m on to something here, people. Who’s with me! *looking around, feverishly*

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27 thoughts on “The Yahoo! Conspiracy

  1. P.S.:

    The 6 and a half things every mouse does wrong with cheese:

    1. Not have it on a toasted bagle
    2. Thinks the funny metal wire is a decoration
    3. Won’t raise their own cattle

    and I’m spent.

    Like

  2. Yahoo is the propaganda machine of the United States’ secret plot to take over the world. Once everyone has been trained to follow a 10 step program the plan will be complete. Embedded in each online story is a subliminal message to lie down and listen to whatever the government tells you to do. When you see this headline beware, lock up your children in the basement, and stock up on plenty of ammunition: Top 10 ways to make Obama fall in love with you.

    Like

  3. Pingback: I’m A Hero, Too, James Franco « Expatriate Games

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