Quickly, on retardation.

You wanna talk, Mr. I Can’t Read The Blog Because You Had Family To Visit With and Mrs. I Refuse To Do Us All A Favor And Put A Hit Out On Randy Newman? Oh, we can talk. This week I’ve had family from California visiting and also, I’ve just been told that neither James Horner nor Hans Zimmer won for best original score at the Oscars. Now, without knowing who actually won – as I haven’t been apprised of the specifics, to happily garble a sentence – I just came here to address these two equally heinous crimes.

Let us close the book on something, yes? Let us resolve something once and for all and vow amongst ourselves, as a nation (I’m talking to America, obviously), as a community, as human. beings. that it shall never come into question again.

Any questions? Seriously. Are we getting this? Can I be any more subtle? Am I in any way unclear? Because, seriously. To do something as adulterous as to list his name with genius, with consistent and proven magnificence… I mean, are these sentences that honestly need to be written down? Do we not all understand this? It’s like having a drawing contest between da Vinci and a retarded six year old. Who isn’t a savant. I mean, why are we still comparing diamonds and poop?! Why?! It’s like he vomited in the punch bowl we all share and then he expects us to think it’s alphabet soup! (Shout out.) Vraiment?! (I am, at present, wild eyed if you couldn’t tell.)

This has got to stop.


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