All The Rage

Is in me. I’m SUPER irritable right now. Like. This is probably the only time you’ll ever hear/read me using a recipe analogy: into the bowl goes insomnia last night due to late afternoon nap with Ezra – who of course has no problem falling asleep on command; add to that fuzzy head; add to that mental chaos of Tuesday (morning group I’ve yet to make, partly because of cancellations; Josh’s men’s ministry; Ezra’s new theatre activity; adult French class); add to that an attempt to find snow pants for women at the freakin’ THREE MALLS connected to Metro McGill, on top of which you may heartily slather circulatory itching and more fuzzy headedness. We got home around 5:40pm or something. I tore out my contacts, taking with them partial retinas and other goo-gobs of eyeball knickerknack. I crawled under my blankie. I tried to pretend I wasn’t beyond the point of holding conversations with people via skype/facebook/twitter/whathaveyou. I repeatedly thrust my head into the headboard behind it. God, what I wouldn’t give to swim on my back in a heated pool under the stars right now. Or fire a handgun into the frozen ground.

So Ezra has his first ski trip tomorrow and I don’t have the #$#$%!#@@ snowsuit because no literal, physical store carries them – nor did most have any snow PANTS for women. BECAUSE WOMEN IN MONTREAL THINK IT’S CUTE TO STILL WEAR LEGGINGS WHEN IT’S SNOWING?! I am so sorry. (Pulls lips into mouth for a moment.) I am not mad at you. I am just wanting to curse your birth and that of your mother.  Then my sister is on skype right now acting like, oh she’ll find what I’m looking for and sending me EVERYTHING ON THE INTERNET THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH WHAT I SAID AND SHE THINKS IT’S FUNNY BECAUSE WE’RE THOUSANDS OF MILES APART BUT I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE. Aside from which, pardon, but why are men’s snowsuits like less than a fourth of the price of women’s?! And I can find them anywhere, everywhere really! What is so HARD about this? It snows here! It snowed today! It was positively lovely but I cannot go SKIING with my son in my normal clothes, people! WHAT AM I MISSING?!

Okay. I need a time-out.

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