Screws Ups? Yes, We Can!

Today’s stories come out of San Diego. (Insert Anchorman jokes…..nnnnnnow.)

Now before those rightfully rejected thousands who mistakenly received an acceptance email from UC San Diego think to ask: no you can’t just get in based on “emotional trauma”. You just get a really funny story to tell at the community college.

And in a story where just about any of us can imagine the LOSER who truly thought it was his moment to shine: an already injured dog is beaten in the head with a hammer by a motorist, despite an offer from another motorist to drive the dog to the vet. This dude’s name was probably Curtis. You feel me, Jen.

And finally, if you’d like proof that you can commit suicide by cop without posing a legitimate danger to a single person, here it is. As a matter of fact, the fact that they first used beanbags to try and stun the guy makes it worse to me, not better. Not evidence that they tried less drastic measures first, as I’m sure they think. Unless something happened in the time between shooting him with bags and shooting him with live ammo – say, his threatening to kill anyone – I’m fairly certain you coulda tasered him. Pretty sure. What the hell, dude. Prolly coulda dialed back on the killing.

Dang, I didn’t even realize it was April Fool’s. Toooooo bad these are true.

Aaaaand sleep.

2 thoughts on “Screws Ups? Yes, We Can!

  1. You know how I know I’m fucked up?
    My first response to the dog one was to laugh.

    No a funnyhaha laugh though, but rather a “that’s so appallingly fucked up I have to laugh” laugh. You know…

    re: UCSD: (Nelson voice): HsaaHaaa.

    re: cop violence: Huh? They’ve been taser crazy lately and now this??


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