This One’s For Andy

There are plenty of ways I could repay my brother-in-law for joining our family, for buying me Chipotle or for giving me gorgeous nephews. (They do, in fact, belong to me.) But there is no better way, I feel… than responding to his previous entry (linked above) with this.

socialite-tiger

That. My friends, is plastic surgery. And nobody does it better. Or more often. Or worse. She spent $4 million dollars trying to turn into a big cat because her philandering husband had a thing for big…cats…. dang I almost lost consciousness just writing that. For real!? I just wanna wrap her….in a pelt…wait, that’s not what I wanted to say, I just accidentally looked up at the picture. I really just wanna….roll her up in a carpet…. sorry. Focus.

(deep breath)

She needs a hug.

WHERE ARE HER LOVED ONES RIGHT NOW AND FOR THE LAST HOWEVER MANY YEARS!?!? I HOPE MY FATHER WOULDN’T LET ME DO THIS TO MYSELF WITHOUT PUTTING ME ON A 5150 THAT WOULD LEGITIMATELY TURN INTO A LONGTERM IMPRISONMENT IN A WELL-GUARDED PSYCH WARD! GOD, IT’S TAKING ALL OF MY WILLPOWER NOT TO CURSE HERE, PEOPLE.

(INVOLUNTARY SHOUTING CONTINUES)

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11 thoughts on “This One’s For Andy

  1. Pingback: Baby On Board « Prune Candy

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