There are plenty of ways I could repay my brother-in-law for joining our family, for buying me Chipotle or for giving me gorgeous nephews. (They do, in fact, belong to me.) But there is no better way, I feel… than responding to his previous entry (linked above) with this.
That. My friends, is plastic surgery. And nobody does it better. Or more often. Or worse. She spent $4 million dollars trying to turn into a big cat because her philandering husband had a thing for big…cats…. dang I almost lost consciousness just writing that. For real!? I just wanna wrap her….in a pelt…wait, that’s not what I wanted to say, I just accidentally looked up at the picture. I really just wanna….roll her up in a carpet…. sorry. Focus.
She needs a hug.
WHERE ARE HER LOVED ONES RIGHT NOW AND FOR THE LAST HOWEVER MANY YEARS!?!? I HOPE MY FATHER WOULDN’T LET ME DO THIS TO MYSELF WITHOUT PUTTING ME ON A 5150 THAT WOULD LEGITIMATELY TURN INTO A LONGTERM IMPRISONMENT IN A WELL-GUARDED PSYCH WARD! GOD, IT’S TAKING ALL OF MY WILLPOWER NOT TO CURSE HERE, PEOPLE.
(INVOLUNTARY SHOUTING CONTINUES)