Let me try and explain something. The point of “publishing” my own copy of past work is supposed to be fun. The fun of it. The enjoyment, if you will. And yet, last night, after finally reclosing the pages of a book I started when I was seventeen – after that in itself taking an unexpected turn for the cant-just-type-up-the-hardcopy-I-found – I found myself doing the strangest, longest, frustratingest labor ever.
So, the great thing about this site is that you can just upload your work, spend a few days figuring out how to do the covers to their liking, and bam, you’ve got your own hardback to file away under this-may-never-be-as-important-as-it-is-today-again, right? Oh, lambylamb. Nay. For you see, for whatever reason, they want you to embed the fonts if you upload as a pdf. Fine, I’ll just change the font (from what it’s been for nigh-on ten years) to Calibri since even when I use Times New Roman (which is on the list), you tell me I’d have to embed Times if I wanna use it. Which I’m not! Now (that the font is tiny and shut up because no it is not too small, I refuse to get sucked into a perfectionist battle that will keep me up until four am) I can upload the pdf and relish the joy of completion and wait for the girls to see that it’s done! Yes! No? Not working, huh. Okay. Fine, I’ll just upload it as a word doc. What’s that? I used clipart for scrolls and chapter numbers (no, I can’t believe I wrote something in loose chapter form, either) and now you show all pages as blank or as wingdings?! Fine! (Please elapse an hour minimum between the past discovery and this one.) Okay. …. Okay. …. I’ll just capture each pdf page as an image, which they won’t try to edit or alter! Awesome, I happen to have a trial of a program that does just such a thing, so we’re golden. Okay, converting. (Please take off your wrist watch. It’s just getting depressing.) Okay! I’ve got a jpg of every page – thank God changing the font made it shorter, no? Now! Gotta…upload these individually? Hmm. That’s not, uh, gonna work for me. There must be another way! Oh, okay, there is! I’ll just download this FTP server thingy and upload them nearly simultaneously! Weird that I have to go through and double click each image from the folder instead of just choose the folder and thereby all its contents but whatever. So, that’s happening, let’s take a break – watch a cartoon – bring ourselves back to neutral. Wow, that went fast. Cool! Let’s go back to the site and get this thing ready for viewing! (Insert jumping on bed, in my mind. Teehee, I can’t wait to have this! And to show Jenny and Ana and Jordan and Serrana and everybody who was there the first time around! TeeheeTeeheeTeehee!) At this point, the tittering is forceably stopped when I realize I now have to go to My Files and import all the images I thought I just imported. Which means they’re here, but not associated with any project. Because that would’ve been too easy. So, what, I guess I have to go somewhere, click select all and then… no, when I change the page to the next group, the previous group gets unselected. Okay. Page…by page, then. What’s that? They’re in less than a particular order and I’ll have to upload them to the project and then arrange them myself? And I’m kinda tired and homicide-y? What’s that? I can’t go to sleep because I can’t put the laptop down because I’m not done? That’s what I thought! So, here we go uploading and arranging. Each page. (Please throw time into a black hole.) So, here we are. All of them are in order. Is the sun coming up?!? Okay, well at least I am 100% done. What? Which page is missing? Lemme now try to count with the pages (which are at least numbered) and make sure (because my mind is fresh as a daisy) that these pages are all there. Nope. Page 36. Page *wipes tear* 36. Not here. (Mind flashes entire FTP process again.) NO! I can just upload this page individually! Calm down. Calm down. So there, we’ve uploaded it. Dropped it in the right order. Let’s convert this into a print-ready preview and call it a night. Morning. Wish those birds would simmer down. What the heck is taking so long?! Little orange line chugging across the screen. Chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga.
That’s about where I blacked out.