I’m….Underwhelmed.

I don’t have to remind everyone how many movies I’ve been watching recently. Some hits (The Kingdom, The Dark Knight, Suddenly Last Summer) and some misses (Dewey Cox, for one, aside from the fact that I liked his singing) and some I’m not sure about. Because a miss is generally something I’m not going to watch again. So there’s a gray area with movies like “Marie Antoinette”. It wasn’t a good movie by any means, but it was pretty or there was some moment that triumphed (if we use so strong a word) and therefore I may watch it again. That seems to be the theme for almost every Natalie Portman movie I’ve ever seen. That movie everyone thought was deep and raw but was really just rank and deplorable? “Closer”. Yeah, it managed to give me two moments (split seconds, really) where I felt something. The same can be said for “The Other Boleyn Girl”.

I initially had interest in seeing this movie. (It’s a period piece, for God’s sake.) I remember the trailer that changed my mind. Anne said something to the effect of sisters are natural competitors and I quickly turned off. No thank you. Well, I know I’d never get around to seeing it once the Netflix subscription runs out so I decided to watch it tonight. This morning. Whatever.

I have to say I was almost entirely disinterested from the beginning. Natalie was not only grating, but her attempt at a noble English accent actually gave her something of a lisp which was equally as annoying as the flatness of her Padme voice. I didn’t like anything about her and the only praise I could possibly give was that hers was one of the only actual characters as opposed to caricatures in the film. Eric’s King Henry was the stereotypical small man in a big hat picture we’ve come to expect from all stories of the man. It was also thin and one dimensional. Don’t believe me? One of the split seconds where the movie allowed me to remember I had a pulse was when he gives Anne her first….come uppance, we’ll say. Because his rage boiling into rape was pretty much the most dynamism in his whole performance. Though I’d assume much of that fault went to the script’s writer.  Basically it made all of England seem petty, irrational…. like their entire history is peopled with thieves and traitors and …. like you could have been killed at any time for any reason. Seriously. There had to be a good person in England before Seal.

I know I liked Natalie as an actress at some point. I simply can’t remember when it was. Ah yes. “The Professional”.

Also, I was quite disappointed by the costume design and the blaringly obvious synchronization of Anne and Henry’s color scheme during her seduction. It was not what I consider opulent for a period piece (which at least “Marie Antoinette” was in my recollection… the whole movie was like eye candy), it was more garrish and nearly tacky in material choice for her costumes. You know those homecoming dresses that are somewhat irridescent? The ones you wanted to douse in pig’s blood. Yeah, that’s what it looked like to me.

The end is only sad because innocent parties are in danger. Anne isn’t really one of them so…. yeah.

I did like Scarlet and her accent and her general performance, which isn’t horribly surprising because while I don’t watch a lot of her performances, I at least know she’s more than an overrated face by her turn in “Match Point”. And her raspy voice is obviously lovely.

So. That’s that.

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26 thoughts on “I’m….Underwhelmed.

  1. Well, I’m definitely a blogger. This is in fact my blog, lol. I don’t write elsewhere unless you count an odd set of articles published on a newspaper website (but they were written for paper distribution so I don’t) and my comments on my siblings and friend’s blog. 😀 Superblogger? I don’t know, since I don’t write on any structured basis. How about you? Do you have one of your own?

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  2. Wow. You got your very own stalker.
    PS GO TO BED!

    You didn’t like Walk Hard? Man…that movie was hilarious. Listening to the shocked sound of the (albeit tiny)crowd during the penis scene was classic. As were several of the songs – you may remember I had one on my myspace page for a while ;).

    Re: Professional: Yes.

    Re: Other Portman: Never cared for her, boring.

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  3. No there were definitely parts of Dewey Cox that were hilarious – and I tend to like movies like that all by myself while smarter people realize there was really no continuity or cohesiveness. I tend to think they bit off more than they could chew with trying to do a biopic of a FICTIONAL composite character. Little much to get invested in. The penis scene was glorious. I actually thought the last song was great (except of course the clearly comical “travel, not just for business” line) – but I also love the music from “A Mighty Wind”, so….

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  4. Pingback: HANNA « Expatriate Games

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