Me Against The Environmentalists

I wasn’t even gonna stop my head from exploding long enough to actually blog about this – so you have Caitlin to thank for inspiring it. Une caviate. I refuse to format. BLAM.
Bethany: Well, I went from not running errands yesterday to running too many of the SAME errands today
I. contemplated killing.
Over harmless conversations going on behind me at the bank.

caitlin: Haha

Oh god. There’s a girl who rides my bus who I want to stab in the face every time she opens her mouth. So. Inane. So. Grating.
was it like that?

Bethany: So I started out there making a deposit, after which I went to the post office to do an international money order. At which point I couldn’t get a stable enough signal to get the address for the recipient off of my iPod. so we left there and went around the main street trying to pick up a signal before calling it quits and going to the off campus bookstore for Josh

(They were talking about the sweetness of indigenous peoples in Hawaii! And saying “warm” and “gentle” and “corny” and I wanted to sock her in the FACE)

caitlin: LOL

oh. my god!

Bethany: Anywho, I dropped Josh off on campus and tried a second time at the Post Office with address in hand and conversion figured out. And found out after standing in the line that WAS NOT THERE the first time, that I’d forgotten my ATM pin

caitlin: Oh fuck.

Bethany: So I drove BACK to the bank, where I’d caught everyone going to the bank on their lunch break the first time around was replaced by all the people who apparently don’t HAVE jobs…. and waited in the bank for the SECOND time today for over 30 mins…

caitlin: fuck.


Bethany: THEN I went back to the Post Office (COUNT ‘EM!) and stood in line AGAIN

caitlin: I hate waiting in line–almost as much as I hate being stuck in traffic

Bethany: Hold on.

caitlin: Congratulations on a day well spent.

Bethany: I’m punching myself.

caitlin: 😉

…did you at least accomplish your mission?

Bethany: Yeah, then I get up to the front and the woman is the quintessential crotchety middle-aged

(yes, I did at LONG last)

caitlin: : oh noooo

Bethany: She had a sweet little butch hair cut that actually refers to the “low-maintenance” (read: lazy) lifestyle of a spinster who got so bored after her husband left that she had to get a job where she could complain all day and where she couldn’t be fired for it

So the whole time I’m there she’s giving the girl next to her a hard time because the girl has to leave early for a doctor’s appt.
She’s talking to me – then she turns to the girl: Why’d you make your appt for so late in the day? You should make it in the morning like I do – talking to me – turns back to girl: You should really have told everyone earlier because this is a huge hassle for me because I won’t get my break – talking to me – turns back to the girl: I can’t believe you’re doing this to me, you know I never get my break … aaaaand so on
By the way…. she also had acrylics…
which didn’t make the most sense with the rest of her appearance… is that her halfassed attempt at getting a date?!

caitlin: Oh my god

Bethany: DUDE

I felt my pupils dilate
Aaaand, there you have it.

6 thoughts on “Me Against The Environmentalists

  1. You should meet my coworker. I already know we’ll end up duking it out at some point. Every aspect of her personality is like fingernails on chalkboard…it literally makes you want to scream.


  2. Does she have a face that’s begging for make-up, a hair that’s begging for color (this you’ll recall is coming from a girl who is usually the definition of low-maintenance) and yet fingernails that – while they have stray cuticle shreds and need of a fill – she pays to bedazzle?


  3. Ahahaha, yeah it did.
    When I get to be middle aged, I wanna suddenly forget how tight my pants look or where my bulge sits. Natural waist tapered leg color-washed jeans it is, with a matchy-match turtleneck, hemp vest and faded but otherwise matchy-match socks finished off with some tevas. TOP THAT.


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