Stop Hitting Yourself, Bethany

Sometimes the degree of temperamental…ness is eye-roll-inducing. Not that it’s new or anything but yeesh.

So after a drought – insert long story about business side and writing side of writer life being seasonally dominant, etc – I’ve been preparing to mull over this new kernel. Yep, you read that right. Preparing to mull. The kernel came, I was interested in it… and then realized I didn’t really know anything yet. [This is that thinking about writing stage, 'member?] And taking account of my past four projects that popped out of the ether like show-offs and quickly formed their nuclei, I knew there was little I could do to find the rest of the story. [Insert "advice" of all manner to which I might answer, if it were that easy - if I could just write what you tell me to - it wouldn't be an art AND also, why don't *you* write that then?]

And then anyway. Every idea I came up with – you know, as opposed to “received” from said ether – was quickly rejected. I even wasted an hour doing research on something that the story kernel then reminded me was irrelevant based on the only thing I knew about the concept. Great. I did have some progress – in that I figured out a how (in this case, how it’s being presented), sort of like a from whence. Every speculative aspect I wanted though = nope.

And then this morning I’m laying around and the POV pops up. And for some ridiculous reason this means I can start writing. Okay, and one little thing else but come on. Really? That’s what I was waiting for? Oh, but it gets better. I’m hearing a couple of lines from one and then the alternate narrator – no I’m not worrying about whether “people” like that – and my brain tells me, yes I can write it but that if I don’t capture those things and in the right method (longhand or typing, but I don’t know which one), inspiration gone.

Some of you will think this is a (not so) elaborate ruse. My brain’s bluffing. Except she’s not. She’s really that big of a tool, promise. So the reason I’m writing this blog post before I start writing? Because I’ve already forgotten most of what it will say – which is nowhere near how I brainstormed the story starting and may well change many times itself – and I don’t know what music is fitting and also, I hate to admit… this is part of the process sometimes.

Procrastination? If so, my subconscious is crazy like a fox. She’s seriously got me fooled and not for the first time.

And before we hand out those one-size-fits-all gems of writerly wisdom – “just write! it doesn’t have to be perfect! all that matters is getting the words on the page!” – shut up. That’s not how it works here. Please, seriously, shut up.

First they’re sour…

Sigh. I’m sorry. I love you. Just please. Stop making suggestions for the moment, yeah? I’m sure that helps someone – just not me. What? No, *I’m* not temperamental. My brain is.

2 thoughts on “Stop Hitting Yourself, Bethany

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